Success story 45
We hadn’t even considered egg donation until after 5 failed attempts at IVF.
We decided to see our consultant, Mr Steer, to see if there was any hope for us at all. It was his suggestion to consider an egg donor as the chances of me falling pregnant using the conventional method of IVF was very small.
Mr Steer was very informative and encouraging about the procedure, and how the donor would be carefully matched to me, with similar hair and eye colour. He spoke of the clinic in St Petersburg and he spoke very highly of Dr Olga Zaytseff.
After the consultation, myself and my husband went back to our car and just sat there in silence. All the information was swimming round in my head, I had the shock of knowing that it was highly unlikely that I would get pregnant with my own egg and that if I wanted to have a baby, I would have to visit another country and use another woman's egg. It all felt very daunting and scary. I felt numb.
But the decision to go ahead however was so simple. When myself and my husband were in the car, I looked at him and said 'can we really say that we are not going to do this?'
He just looked back at me and 'no'
As soon as I got home, I started to research egg donation, what it involved and the clinic in St Petersburg and I made contact straight away. I couldn't wait to get started on the process. I was so driven, after all the heartache, I had such a feeling of hope - I had always thought, I don’t know why, that I would have a child, that the failed IVF's were not the end of my story - it is that thought that kept me going.
I did however have tiny thoughts that kept creeping into my head that if I was to get pregnant the baby might not feel like it is mine and a sadness that kept washing over me that my baby would never look like me.
Once we had the most amazing news that the procedure had worked, I cannot put into words how happy I was, but I was also scared to be happy, in case it was all taken away from me.
I remember walking to work during early pregnancy and seeing a pregnant lady and I started crying, I was in Trafalgar Square in the centre of London crying. I just stood there and I had to tell myself that I do not need to feel sad anymore, it had finally happened for me, my dream was coming true.
It took quite some time and I had to keep telling myself that I can feel happy, it was very hard to change my mind-set. Even now I remember all too clearly, what that sadness felt like.
All throughout my pregnancy I was so nauseas - it was constant, but I took it as a comfort and a reminder of the baby growing inside me.
All the while I had these nagging thoughts about the baby not really being mine and felt sad that the baby would not look like me, but I needn’t have worried, when I held my beautiful baby boy in my arms for the first time and every time after that, this baby could not be more mine. The overwhelming feeling of love that I have for this baby cannot be put into words. I have never been so in love. He is everything and I even have people telling me how much he looks like me.
He is now 5 months old and I cannot wait to get started on project number two.